if we learn to invite the Lord into the small things in our life, then it will be much easier when the big decisions come along :)
if only i didn't treat every little thing in my life as if it was a big decision.
it really bites when for once you miss something, and u feel like that something was exactly what you needed all along. i guess i can find joy in the fact that technology exists.
anxiety. the driving force of human existence. where else would people get their sense of urgency, their desire to succeed, or even their willingness to carry out their responsibilities?
i feel like i have a lot of things going on in my life. for the most part, i handle it quite well. i don't consider myself that anxious, just busy. but this semester's just been bad. i dont think ive ever been bothered by so many trivial things all at once, and i don't think ive ever been in my mind as much as i have this semester.
o, the anxiety. it's not like i havent enjoyed the Lord though, i feel like He's been extremely real to me this year, but it just seems that Satan always finds a way with me. even right now he's making me feel bad.
saying "no" sounds quite abstract to me. i think i just need to invite the Lord into my life more, and to quit thinking id rather just handle things on my own, cause it only seems to get me more upset. i need to bring him into every aspect of my life. while im brushing my teeth, opening the door, and even when im studying. now thats a big one. who ever said i cant bring the Lord in when im studying, or when im volunteering, or when im playing basketball, or when im teaching. i guess no one ever said that, but for some reason i act as if they did.
if we learn to invite the Lord into the small things in our life, then it will be much easier when the big decisions come along :)
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
a senseless contradiction
it's amazing how sometimes the Lord manages to find a way to meet us where we're at, even when we're so wrapped up in whatever we were doing.
it's not like i was cold towards Him. the reading was done. so was the morning revival. but i just didn't expect Him to be all that real to me this week.
and then i had one spiriutal experience after another today.
why do some faithful prayers remain unfulfilled while other fleeting prayers are answered so fast? we prayed together last night. and it didn't take long to go into effect: the door was more open today than it's ever been, and so i took the opportunity to enter in.
i came across a strong statement today: "If we do not contain God and know God as our content, we are a senseless contradiction." now that's a strong statement. senseless contradiction. say that a few times inside your head and u'll realize the brilliance of the diction. now that sounds like the ultimate insult.
i guess i just realized that God still has to have the first place in our being, regardless of the other earthly entanglements that we seem to get ourselves repeatedly stuck in one too many times.
but senseless contradiction seems to apply to anything. like how i didnt expect to have a true experience of God this week. or how our life never turns out the way we think it will. after all, life IS a senseless contradiction.
i prayed with someone over the cell phone today.
and then i prayed with more people at night.
hopefully all the prayer did some good.
it's not like i was cold towards Him. the reading was done. so was the morning revival. but i just didn't expect Him to be all that real to me this week.
and then i had one spiriutal experience after another today.
why do some faithful prayers remain unfulfilled while other fleeting prayers are answered so fast? we prayed together last night. and it didn't take long to go into effect: the door was more open today than it's ever been, and so i took the opportunity to enter in.
i came across a strong statement today: "If we do not contain God and know God as our content, we are a senseless contradiction." now that's a strong statement. senseless contradiction. say that a few times inside your head and u'll realize the brilliance of the diction. now that sounds like the ultimate insult.
i guess i just realized that God still has to have the first place in our being, regardless of the other earthly entanglements that we seem to get ourselves repeatedly stuck in one too many times.
but senseless contradiction seems to apply to anything. like how i didnt expect to have a true experience of God this week. or how our life never turns out the way we think it will. after all, life IS a senseless contradiction.
i prayed with someone over the cell phone today.
and then i prayed with more people at night.
hopefully all the prayer did some good.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
no longer a nuisance
i've always been told that you must be introspective if you ever hope to make it to med school. and so i took that piece of advice to heart; maybe even too seriously. i feel like sometimes im too overanalytical about my situation, to the point where i examine myself to death.
but i've always been told that just keeping those thoughts within my head will never suffice, and so i find myself starting up a blog at 12:20AM.
i highly doubt ill be able to update this on a regular basis; my schedule is busy enough as is and i really don't want another thing to do...i hope this blog doesn't turn into another outlet through which i can complain about how busy i am, and i really hope that excerpts from my academic life don't manage to creep their way into this thing...
...though i feel it is inevitable...
nevertheless, i experience too much personal memorabilia over the course of my busy day, and they always find a way to elude me before my long-term memory has a chance to do its job.
it's been a long time since i've been home. i talked to my parents last week about how tough my semester's been, and just about all the personal conflicts that ive had to endure over the course of the school year.
they called me today, the both of them. simultaneously. on conference call.....
just to talk. what a relief. i thought i was in trouble the minute i heard both of their voices at the same time. but it was just to shepherd me according to their own past experiences.
that's one thing ive always valued about my life, and it's something i wish many other teenagers had the privilege of having. not just parents that they are on good terms with, but with whom they can confide in.
from the time i was in 1st grade, ive always been taught that the fifth commandment is to honor your father and mother. this was chiefly theoretical and unnattainable from a young age, but has gradually turned into reality as i've gotten older. i've always believed that this commandment became easier as one matures, and i have yet to be wrong. parents are no longer a nuisance.
my tuesdays start 8 in the morning and go non-stop until 9:45PM...then my day begins... or should i say studying. that's when my parents called. typically, tuesday nights are off limits for anyone that wishes to talk to me, but for some reason i wish my conversation with my parents could have lasted the rest of the night. ive had a deep longing within me this entire semester to have soul-to-soul talks with people, and in one marvelous way after another, i found too much wisdom and comfort in their words to the point where i felt like i was more than just two hundred feet away from all the endless schoolwork and stress that was left behind...
...if only it couldve lasted longer...
back to reality. the academics never cease to exist...
a call, and that was enough.
maybe the Lord was out there interceding me, meeting me where i was at.
its 12:33AM and that means i am thirty-three minutes overdue on my desired bedtime for tonight. after all, another day begins tomorrow when i get out of bed...at 5:15AM
but i've always been told that just keeping those thoughts within my head will never suffice, and so i find myself starting up a blog at 12:20AM.
i highly doubt ill be able to update this on a regular basis; my schedule is busy enough as is and i really don't want another thing to do...i hope this blog doesn't turn into another outlet through which i can complain about how busy i am, and i really hope that excerpts from my academic life don't manage to creep their way into this thing...
...though i feel it is inevitable...
nevertheless, i experience too much personal memorabilia over the course of my busy day, and they always find a way to elude me before my long-term memory has a chance to do its job.
it's been a long time since i've been home. i talked to my parents last week about how tough my semester's been, and just about all the personal conflicts that ive had to endure over the course of the school year.
they called me today, the both of them. simultaneously. on conference call.....
just to talk. what a relief. i thought i was in trouble the minute i heard both of their voices at the same time. but it was just to shepherd me according to their own past experiences.
that's one thing ive always valued about my life, and it's something i wish many other teenagers had the privilege of having. not just parents that they are on good terms with, but with whom they can confide in.
from the time i was in 1st grade, ive always been taught that the fifth commandment is to honor your father and mother. this was chiefly theoretical and unnattainable from a young age, but has gradually turned into reality as i've gotten older. i've always believed that this commandment became easier as one matures, and i have yet to be wrong. parents are no longer a nuisance.
my tuesdays start 8 in the morning and go non-stop until 9:45PM...then my day begins... or should i say studying. that's when my parents called. typically, tuesday nights are off limits for anyone that wishes to talk to me, but for some reason i wish my conversation with my parents could have lasted the rest of the night. ive had a deep longing within me this entire semester to have soul-to-soul talks with people, and in one marvelous way after another, i found too much wisdom and comfort in their words to the point where i felt like i was more than just two hundred feet away from all the endless schoolwork and stress that was left behind...
...if only it couldve lasted longer...
back to reality. the academics never cease to exist...
a call, and that was enough.
maybe the Lord was out there interceding me, meeting me where i was at.
its 12:33AM and that means i am thirty-three minutes overdue on my desired bedtime for tonight. after all, another day begins tomorrow when i get out of bed...at 5:15AM
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