when we reach the end of our hoarded resources

i feel like a lot of things that my parents told me when i was younger are beginning to make sense:

me: why do people do that?
parents: because they don't have the Lord

i guess id usually feign understanding, only to scurry off moments later and realize i had no idea what that meant to me...

but i guess this semester has been a mini "coming of age." not trying to sound holier than thou, or super-experienced, but i feel like im beginning to learn the meaning of that statement.

im beginning to realize that id be nowhere without the Lord in my life. yuck. that sounds so spiritual. i still have a lot of confidence in myself, but i feel like the Lord is breaking me this semester. spirit soul and body. without the Lord, i turn to those same things that so many others try to draw satisfaction from. and more and more i realize that the Lord is really what matters.

not outward forms, not how many meetings i go to, not superficial spirituality, not organized religion, not obligation, not good morals, nothing. just the genuine experience of Christ as life.

i feel like i just want the Lord, the Reality, the Way. thank God im starting to learn.

Praise the Lord for starting. we're learning to turn, learning to take, learning to feed upon Jesus. thank God for the learning.

Lord, teach me the wondrous secret of abiding in you.

our Father's full giving is only begun.