this is where ill be

i remember one night i took a long walk from the campus in Berkeley to the middle of Oakland, and i felt like there was something wrong with my spiritual capacity/appetite. ive been reflecting on that since then, and ive come to realize that those kinds of thoughts are just lies from the enemy. this may sound obvious, but i realize that when i am in my spirit, the things of the Lord really do become enjoyable. sure, sometimes i am frustrated and not in the mood for it, but there are also so many other times where i feel like ive really been kissed by the Lord. and i really do enjoy the Lord on a regular basis, and i need to stand on that fact more that i stand on my negativeness. its just amazing how our mind and our thoughts are strong enough to convince us otherwise; thank God im still learning :)

anyways, i had a chance to go to msgs 3 and 4 of the thanksgiving conference and msg 3 really touched me. the topic was on how we are the testimony of jesus, and that we need to be plucked out of this evil generation. brother ron really made a plea to the young people, not to set their hope in this world, but to realize that we've been put on this earth to be the testimony of Jesus. he was so burdened that we'd realize that the church life is where we really belong, even if there may be frustrations, obstacles, and other sources of affliction. that really touched me. i feel like the Lord really gave me a song that very moment:

Sometimes there are situations,
And many frustrations,
That stumble you in subtle ways,
And nothing seems okay....

It may seem like Satan might win,
Our patience may run thing,
What we need is His supply,
In His arms we lie.

Many times we are discouraged,
Our spirit disheartened,
Just ask the Lord for everything,
To strengthen our spirit.

Put aside your opinions,
Just take Christ in as life,
Come again to the altar
For the Lord's cleansing blood

How do you want to sepnd your days?
In God's house that's the way,
Let's make wants reality,
To gain Christ corporately.

The church life is not perfect,
But it is genuine,
This is where our God dwells,
This is where I'll be.

ironically enough, fremont was going over psalm 133 this past weekend in the MR. Psalm 133:3 says "Like the dew of Hermon/ That came down upon the mountains of
Zion./ For there Jehovah commanded the blessing:/ Life forever." here, the mountains of Zion represent the local churches, where we dwell together in oneness, so we see here that this is the place where Jehovah commanded the blessing of eternal life. my mom's sharing on the Lord's day really touched me. she really emphasized that the oneness of the church is where God commanded his blessing. a lot of times we may look at the church life through our own eyes, and immediately we get frustrated and turned off. but this is something in the divine realm; whether we like it or not, this is the location of God's ordination. if we want the blessing, we need to dwell in oneness with all the saints.

i felt like there was really a response inside of me. i love the Lord on a personal level...but something inside of me always wants to remain an individual christian. brother ron gave us 8 practical ways to be the testimony of Jesus. i made an acronymn to remember them and i already forgot what half the letters stood for. but one of them was that we need to consecrate daily to the Lord, realizing that it is a narrow way and that it costs everything.

that almost made me cry. i really came before the Lord this morning...and consecrated myself to Him, and prayed that i would love the church as much as He does.