may all my days be yours lord

Recently, I've been enjoying how the grace of God is simply the Lord Jesus living in and through us.

And then I stumbled upon another wonderful verse this morning:
1 Cor 15:10 But by the grace of God I am what I am; and His grace unto me did not turn out to be in vain, but, on the contrary, I labored more abundantly than all of them, yet not I but the grace of God which is with me.

To me, that was somehow so encouraging. By the grace of God I am what I am. By the grace of God. That phrase stuck with me. I feel like so many times, I'm just so short. So incapable of fulfilling God's requirement, and just so short in so many aspects of my Christian life. But I was touched that even the apostle Paul said that it was by the grace of God that He could do what He could do.

In fact, it's even more than that. This grace is simply the Lord dwelling in us. It's more than a matter of doing. It's more than a thing. It's more than a matter or an objective fact. We're talking about a person here. It is altogether a state of being. And so I just uttered a simple phrase, "Lord, today, by the grace of God I am what I am." To be honest, I don't even know what that really means. But I do feel like I need to enjoy the Lord more. And I felt there was a genuine sense of desperation when I said that.

And then something else struck me. How much do I love the Lord? I just stopped for a moment and leaned my head back against the wall that I was sitting against, only to let a despairing "O Lord" leave the tip of my tongue. For a moment, I just sat there and thought. We know all the healthy practices of a Christian living, and I feel like it is so easy for me to go through the checklist in order to ascertain how I'm doing. But in how much of that is the Lord really real to me? I feel like I've been seeking to find the person of the Lord in everything I do this year, but it's still easy for me to lose sight of the Person in all these things. I was just so convicted. I don't want to remain "passive" in seeking after the Lord.

I just prayed to the Lord that I would seek first His kingdom. I want to seek first His kingdom. And I really meant it when I said that. I can only hope that this prayer remains in me over the next few days. I know I can't do it on my own, but I hope I can experience the grace of God in this.

A song soon popped into my head...and I knew I had to make my way to the closest piano.

I played the song in a simple but endearing way.

No syncopation.
No arpeggios.

I overlaid the melody over the standard chord progression, with the last four lines of the song resonating in my head as I played the second to last chord in the piece as a suspended2 chord.

May all my days be Yours, Lord
My heart be given to love You,
To treasure and to serve You,
By Your sufficient grace.

His marvelous availability

i really enjoyed something a sister shared in small group last week.

the Lord always meets us where we're at.

so simple, yet what a mercy.

nothing else in our life meets us where we're at. your classes don't meet you where you're at. if the pace is too fast or the material is too hard, it doesn't show you any consideration. even other people don't meet you where you're at. many times people are unaware of your feelings and unable to empathize with your situation.

but the Lord always knows our situation. and He is always there...ready for us to turn to Him. it's something i've heard all my life, but i felt like it really impacted me last weekend. whether you're an unbeliever, a pursuing Christian, or a backsliding Christian, the Lord can always come down to your level. when i wanted to leave the church life, the Lord was still there. even when I was mad at the saints, the Lord was still so sweet and real to me.

the Lord met me where I was.

the deep things of God

I happened to be reading through 1 Corinthians today and something really struck me. It's a verse I know all too well, and one of my favorite footnotes in the Bible.

1 Corinthians 2:9 But as it is written, "Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard and which have not come up in man's heart; things which God has prepared for those who ³love Him.''

Footnote 9³: To realize and participate in the deep and hidden things God has ordained and prepared for us requires us not only to believe in Him but also to love Him. To fear God, to worship God, and to believe in God (that is, to receive God) are all inadequate; to love Him is the indispensable requirement. To love God means to set our entire being — spirit, soul, and body, with the heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30) — absolutely on Him, that is, to let our entire being be occupied by Him and lost in Him, so that He becomes everything to us and we are one with Him practically in our daily life. In this way we have the closest and most intimate fellowship with God, and we are able to enter into His heart and apprehend all its secrets (Psa. 73:25; 25:14). Thus, we not only realize but also experience, enjoy, and fully participate in these deep and hidden things of God.

I think the thing that has always struck me is that love is the indispensable requirement. Not believing, not working, not struggling to please Him. Without loving the Lord, it is impossible for us to enter into everything that He has prepared for us. After I read that, there was just such a searching within me, as if I wanted to know the secret. How can all this become my reality?

1 Corinthians 2:10 continues: But to us God has ¹revealed them through the Spirit, for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God.

Footnote 10¹: Different from taught. To be taught is related to our mind; to have something revealed to us is related to our spirit. To realize the deep and hidden things God has prepared for us, our spirit is more necessary than our mind. When our entire being becomes one with God through loving Him in intimate fellowship, He shows us, in our spirit through His Spirit, all the secrets of Christ as our portion. This is to reveal the hidden things planned by His wisdom concerning Christ, which have never come up in man's heart.

I was so encouraged. I have to admit that the favorite part of my day is when I can be by myself and just spend some quality time with the Lord. I am free from anxiety, free from responsibilities. Free to just spend time with Him. And to know that this is the way to enter into the depths of God is all the more encouraging. Thank you Lord, that You've even prepared so many deep and hidden things for us.

What a blessing we have. Lord, I want to fully know these things.

to Him I will give to eat of the hidden manna

The Lord has come a long way in me the last three years. And looking back, I realize His timing is so perfect and His intentions are so good. A few nights ago, I told my dad that I was in awe and thanksgiving with where the Lord has taken me.

Coming to college, I thought I knew the Lord, but the Lord has since showed me that it will take my entire lifetime to experience just a small portion of what He is. Praise the Lord that much of the land remains to be possessed. I was a good church kid all throughout high school, and while I did enjoy the Lord in a genuine way, it stopped there. There were highs and lows but it was always just superficial enjoyment, and not much inward dealing. No doubt that was good; to enjoy the Lord is never a bad thing, and I am thankful that those years established a solid foundation in my Christan life.

But the Lord wants to move on in all of us. The Lord wants to spread from our spirit to our soul. Since moving to a new environment, the Lord has placed me in situations contrary to my upbringing and contrary to my value system. But I've begun to learn that the Lord is sovereign. I'm exposed to see that we can love so many other things over the Lord. We can love our reputation before the saints or our ideas about what it means to be a good Christian more than the Lord.

The Lord has dealt with each of those things inside of me, and ironically, I've become more human in the process.

Maybe it's not so ironic. God wants to make us God-men. Men. Ultimately, we're still human by nature, but we have God in us. That's what makes the difference. Whether we have the person of the Lord in whatever we do. And a God-man is one who is so human, yet knows how to contact and depend on the Lord in every situation.

I'm beginning to think that God has now become my personal God. He is no longer just the God of my parents, the God that happened to be thrown into my upbringing, the God of some sort of religious duty. He is my God. He's become so personal and unique to me.

I'm eating the hidden manna.
I'm getting God into me.
Cause when God gets into me, I get into God.

A Young Man in God's Plan - Chapter 4

Lately, there seems to be a lot of emphasis on the need to have a vision.

"What you are going to do for the Lord must be according to what you have seen of the Lord. Because you have seen something of the Lord, you have to do something for the Lord according to what you have seen."

I feel like I have a new found desire within my heart to see something new of the Lord every time I come to him. I have to admit that many times I am very satisfied with just learning something new, and I become complacent with my knowledge, despite my lack of experience. Sometimes I look at the fact that I was raised as a church kid, so I never had the opportunity to have a startling revelation from the Lord. Coming to know the Lord wasn't necessarily something new to me; it was just the next step in a living that had already been planned out for me. But I really pray that the Lord would grant me a personal visit and a personal vision. No doubt I have seen something of the Lord, but I still pray that the Lord that made my parents drop everything when they were my age would be the same Lord that works in me today.

"Because you have experienced the Lord and seen Him, you have something within you energizing and operating to impel you to serve the Lord in ministering Him to others...If we go to the Lord and spend some time with Him to receive the heavenly vision, we will have a living contact with Christ and be a living, functioning member of His living Body."

That's encouraging. We have the inner life; that's for our daily life; and that will fill the meeting life and our Christian life with Christ. I feel like I'm starting to become more burdened for unbelievers, or even for other nominal Christians to come to know the Lord in a deeper way. In one sense, my only job is to spend time to fellowship with the Lord.

Lord, show me a vision every time I come to your Word. I pray there would be more unveiling. Have mercy on my complacency. I don't want to be satisfied with just knowledge anymore. I want a clear, controlling vision. Lord, make me a diligent believer that regularly fellowships with you. I pray you'd fill my personal Christian life with much Christ so that I can flow out to others. Honor my willingness, Lord. May you gain me fully this semester.

A Young Man in God's Plan - Chapter 3

"A person can only be regenerated once. But in my experience I can testify that I have had a number of conversions. Regeneration is once for all, but conversion, to have some change in your life, is not just once for all."

That's sweet. Our regeneration is once and for all, but we need to have many conversions between us and the Lord. It's similar to our consecration. Every day, we need to have a fresh opening to the Lord. I believe my experience is altogether consistent with the above statement. On the one hand, we will never lose our salvation, but on the other hand, there is a different portion to be gained in each stage of our Christian life. The Lord always has something new about Himself that we must experience. That is wonderful. The Lord seeks to gain every inch of our being, yet His arrangement is altogether perfect. I'm encouraged that our relationship with the Lord should never grow stagnant.

"To be zealous for Christianity is really better than being worldly, and to be spiritual is really better than being carnal. Yet you have to realize that even being spiritual could be a barrier between you and Christ and could be a substitute of Christ to you."

This passage speaks so personally to me. The Lord really dealt with me the last 2 semesters. I've always been your quintessential "good church kid." Toward the end of last spring semester, suddenly the things of the church life became so dead and infuriating. I was so frustrated with all the meetings and all the saints. Nothing seemed real and I wanted to leave the church life. Eventually, as a result of a lot of outward circumstances, I came to the Lord desperately. It was then that I was exposed that I wanted to be spiritual and wanted to go to the meetings more than I wanted the Lord. And it came to the point where even that natural affection had already dried up. I was so convicted....and so, I took a step back this semester and surveyed the situation. I didn't go to as many events, but I was diligent to guard my personal time with the Lord, and to touch the Lord in whatever I did. It was there when the Lord really became so sweet to me, and restored to me the joy of my salvation.

The statement "Even good things, religious things, and even things concerning Christ can hinder us from seeking and being occupied with Christ Himself" couldn't be more true. These days, I have a constant prayer that the Lord would be new and living to me. Living...not religious. Lord, save me from seeking so many other things; save me from wanting to be spiritual. Lord, I pray I'd only care for you. And I pray that I would learn to take care of my spirit above every other matter. Nothing else matters if I don't touch Christ.

A Young Man in God's Plan - Chapter 2

"The center of the universe is Christ in you and you in Christ. The real meaning of human life is Christ as your life with a view that you will be conformed to His image."

"I had Christianity, but I did not have Christ. I had the religious forms, but I did not have Christ. I had the doctrines, the teachings, but I did not have Christ."

I feel extremely thankful that God's purpose today is simply that Christ would be put into us so that we would be put into Christ. Nothing else. All the forms, practices, and doctrines are not even the center of God's plan. I have to testify that my experience was much the same as Brother Lee's early on in my Christian life. I feel like I argued for the sake of Christianity when I was in high school, but many times I did not have the reality of Christ Himself. As a church kid, I realize it's so easy for us just to have the meetings, the saints, and the outward practices, while the inward reality of Christ as our life is desperately lacking.

"Day by day you have Him within you, yet you need more and more vision and revelation concerning Him. You have to pursue Him. You have to know Him more and more and let Him have more ground within you...What you need is the inward knowledge of Christ, the inner experience of Christ."

This is really my prayer. It's not good enough to just go to meetings and read our Bible if we never come to know Christ. Last night, we prayread John 4:24 "God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truthfulness." Anything without the exercise of our spirit becomes a form. I just pray that the Lord would continue to be real and living to me this coming year, and that I would come to know Him even more.

Grant me subjective experience, Lord! I don't want to be satisfied with just going to meetings just to fulfill my Christian duty. I pray I'd draw closer to You and I'd come to know You as a person. Save me from any deadness or rituals. I want to care supremely for Christ. May you have the preeminence in all my heart.